Failure and getting up

Failure on doing things for personal recognition can be easily overcomed.
I've flanked so many job interviews. I was denied and denounced by love.
Those failures really pressured me, it tested how tough my mental status is
and how delicate this heart is.

Disappointment like that is like a cursed scarab beetle inching its way into your flesh
causing too much excruciating pain that you'll loose the will to live or in my case I lost my will to
believe that God-fearing upbringing is not my way to get out of this misery.

I lost my belief that God will provide all the things  I need. I only believe the harsh reality that
this cruel world throws at me. My good intention is not enough to get me through this war in my life.
I need to equip myself, I need to reconcile with myself, I need to find faith so that I can win
some battle in my life. I believe faith cannot be taught it must be experienced.

Feeling down and depress is good, it makes you feel more human. Bleeding and crying reminds you that
you are still alive. My knees maybe bent down but it will not stay down, my shoulders already gave up
because of the heaviness of my burden but I know once I rested enough I can get moving again.
My wound will heal leaving only scars, and can only remind me of the lesson of that experience.
My eyes will run out of tears and I will stop crying and sobbing, I only need to sleep it off then the greyness
that fills it will fade away. I will see beauty again, I will appreciate the sun and the rain like I used to
and you will see glitter in my eyes.

You asked me what's worrying me, I will now answer it. The day of reckoning for all my sins is what worries me.
My faith is weak, my foundation of belief is shallow, my strucure of confidence is not rigid. I am a delicate vase.
I am a crystal glass. I am aluminum metal. I am a lumber from a coconut tree.

I need a strong wall that I can lean to, I have to deepen my roots so I can hold on to what I believe, I need to brace
myself so I can stand tall. A delicate vase needs some light handling. This glass long for some buffing.
I need to be constructed wisely so I can be as tough as steel but light as titanium. I need protection from the elements
so I can lasts long and serve my purpose.

I am all battered and bruised, deformed and unrecognizable even my mother will not let me in our house
if I removed this decaying mask. I want to go back and refigure my oldself but my faults are hindering me to do so
because I am not like the way I am before. I have changed. I changed that I hardly knew myself. I will not let the wind
uncling me  to the bow, I will hold on to it.

Days of failure for men are inevitable, the good and the wicked have the same fate but it is after the fate that
makes the good man stand up again. It is the faith that things will get better is what keeping us from being down.
If I have been down and now experiencing God's favor in my life, I can now believe that I am a good man, and
God has declared to all that I am. I have faith in Him that he will forgive all my sins, because my God is a forgiving God.